Cancer 101

So obviously there are no rules to cancer or the treatments that may follow. No rules. No map. No way of teaching. Nothing. And that means there is no actual way I can tell you how to deal with cancer and the treatment that comes with it. All I can do is give you an insight to the symptoms and effects I experienced with the treatment I recieved.
According to Cancer Research UK‘s website, 1 in 2 people in the UK born after 1960 will be diagnosed with some form of cancer durning their lifetime.
I have found that since starting my blog I have had a few people contact me on what to expect when they undergo chemotherapy. What to expect, how can they prepare themselves, etc. So below I have created a post on what to expect and what is good to know before treatment begins. Whether you are just curious, about to go through treatment yourself or know of someone that may find this helpful and you’re just doing some research, please be aware that this is what I discovered for myself, experiences vary and you may find you have more symptoms than what I did or if you are lucky, less! My experience is UK based under the care of the NHS with Intravenous Chemotherapy and External Radiotherapy. I’ve also had Internal Radiotherapy known as Brachytherapy but this is not discussed in this post. There are hundreds of varieties of chemotherapy and can be given in different forms. If you would like more of an overview of chemotherapy then click here. You can also find more indepth information here which may answer any questions you may have. The Chemotherapy drugs I have experienced are Paclitaxel, Carboplatin and Cisplatin.
Feel free to message me if I have missed something or if you want me to go into more depth in certain areas! You can also find at the bottom of this page some relavent links to previous posts I have created when undergoing treatment. If you find you want more, then I have set up an easier system where you can now look back on older posts too. Take a look under the archive, it is linked in the drop down menu above, under the heading “blog” or if you prefer click here. If you are that dedicated then Kudos! I’m grateful that I have been of some use!

 

OK, first things first, don’t believe everything you’ve heard about chemo. Some chemo’s you don’t lose your hair. My first chemo actually made me feel better and function for a few days. If you are sick or feel nauseous constantly then tell the nursing team. There’s no need to feel like that any more. They have hundreds of varieties of anti-sickness. Pills, powders, dissolvables the lot.

If you haven’t started chemo yet and have time, book a dentists appointment for a check up. I would still do it even if you’ve been there in the last couple of months. It keeps them in the loop of your condition but also they may do any work before chemo begins if it needs it. Dentist’s don’t like to touch you, unless they absolutely have to, when you’re undergoing treatment.

If it’s a long infusion, as in you’re in for the day, take a supply. Lunch will be provided for the person going through treatment but not for any others who join you for company. Take a blanket to keep warm, then you don’t have to worry about taking jumpers on and off before being hooked up to the IV. Also I found I was always on the colder side as sometimes the chemo going into me was on the cool side and that does make you cold fast.

Take snacks. I called it my junk food treat bag. Whatever you want take it. Take plenty. Eat it whenever you want too. It’s for you and the person going with you because they will need it as much as you.

Books, puzzles, TV series, movies, music, if you have the option to download and bring it with you, do it. But don’t be surprised if you don’t have the function or attention span to use any of it. I pretty much slept the whole time. But it’s there for your chemo buddy.

Don’t be proud, have a chemo buddy!! It’s easier to be with someone then on your own.

Take warm socks. If they have a grip to the base of them then you don’t have to worry about the faff of taking your shoes on and off.

If you’re in for a long infusion, and you can, ask for a port for your chemo. This is something I discovered recently and wished I asked for it for myself! They don’t tend to like to do it unless they have to, or you’re further into your chemo program. But it’s easier and kinder to you when administering the drugs. You then won’t have to be jabbed everytime to get a cannula in and worry about collapsed veins. Chemo can be harsh on the veins and can toughen them if used too often which can make it sore for you. If you don’t have a port then make sure you rotate arms each time. With a port, you just can’t get it wet but if I’m right in thinking, there’s waterproof sheaths to put over them that the nurses can supply you with.

If you take any non-prescriptive supplements talk to your oncology team to see if its OK to still take them. Some supplements can interfere with the chemo.

Not all chemos make you lose your hair. My first chemo I half lost it. It just thinned a lot. Second chemo I lost it all. Don’t be surprised if you find you have patches of baldness. First lot of chemo made me look like I had a monk cut! Bald on top but hair around the sides. Alternatively, your hair can go all in one go! Second lot of chemo I knew I was gonna lose it all in one go, I could feel it! No time for clippering, no preperation.

There are options to prevent hair loss like the cold cap. That’s personal if you want to use it. Depends on who you talk to on how it feels. Some don’t like it, some feel nothing of it. It basically cools the head down to keep the hair follicles cool to prevent the chemo damaging the hair follicle and prevent hair loss. Using a cold cap doesn’t always work though! My second chemo was strong and a cold cap would never have prevented me from losing my hair.

If you lose hair and want a wig you will have to pay. However if you are in hospital and have chemo when admitted (the day unit is not included) then you can get a prescription and it will be free.

All prescriptions are now free. Make sure you fill in a medical exemption certificate.

Car parking should be free when under chemo and radiotherapy… Just check with the hospital you attend…  I hope it’s not just available at my hospital!!

Eat what you want whenever you want. As my chemo was in 3 week cycles I found I didn’t eat a lot for the first week then a bit more by the second then a lot on the third to build me up for the chemo. Eat junk but also eat healthy… If you can! You may find textures and flavours change. I lost my taste buds the first week of my chemo cycle so strong flavours worked best for me. Meats and fats made me feel sick and were the kickstarter to queasiness if I ate them. By the end of chemo, once it had built up in my body the things that I found in the first week of the cycle were staying with me. So eat whatever you can and what ever you damn well please!!!

Look after your hands and feet. Neuropathy (numbness) is common in these areas during and after chemo. I still have neuropathy in the balls of my feet and I’m 7 months post chemo. It may come back but it may not. Keeping active can help. A brief short walk is good enough.

If you can, get out everyday. Even if its for 5 minutes. But be sensible. Don’t go in the rain and get wet. Avoid anyone with a cold or even a sniffle.

Listen to your body. You’re gonna feel tired. Sleep! Don’t over do it and compare it to what you used to be able to do.

Chemo brain is a thing. You may experience forgetfulness or find it hard to function or even pay attention. For a few days after chemo I zoned out on everything. I couldn’t pay attention to anything. It’s common to find you’re forgetful for weeks/months after it has all finished.

Keep your mouth healthy. If you already suffer from mouth ulcers then talk to your team. They may be able to suggest a good mouth wash that will help. Chemo can give you bad mouth ulcers. This is not something I found I suffered with myself so my experience is limited here.

Keep well moisturised. Chemo will make your skin dry and it will prevent any soreness from occurring. Don’t use perfumed moisturisers. If you are having radiotherapy too only use what they recommend. Cetraben or any similar brands that can come on prescription are fine. DON’T USE ANY OILS!!! AT ALL!!! Aveeno is a good moisturiser brand that you can pick up anywhere and can be still used if you’re undergoing radiotherapy too.

Discolouration or damage can occur to the nails. Ridges, lines, bruising or even the nail itself can fall off. Don’t be surprised if this happens. This didn’t happen to me but I found mine went very brittle. As a beauty therapist, I have had clients who have been advised by the nursing staff themselves to get their nails done. With Gels or normal nail paint is fine, but not Acrylics!! You won’t have the strength there if they’re on the weaker side, if you go for normal nail paint as to UV Gels. They advise this for one, so you don’t see the discolouration to the nail and two, so you have a bit of strength for the nail which may preserve them. Go for the darker shades if you do happen to have discolouration. You may find that still having regular manicures may not preserve the nail or you may find they drop off after treatment is complete. It takes a good 6 months for fingernails to grow from the base to the top, 12 months for toe nails, so be patient.

You are probably going find everyone has an opinion on what you should try to do to beat cancer. Juicing, going organic, turmuric, cannabis oil, aloe vera. All of these I’ve been told to try by others (who have not had cancer). Take it with a pinch of salt. Whatever you do though DO NOT TRY ANYTHING WITHOUT TALKING TO YOUR ONCOLOGY TEAM. A lot of these things can interfere with chemo and can actually compromise you. Although you’ve probably heard “chemo is a poision” there’s a reason it’s the number 1 go to drug still. Most of these “remedies” are still very much unknown and media stories don’t help. If you dig deeper you’ll find they’ve actually had chemo at some point or surgery along the way.

If you have radiotherapy in the stomach region, be careful of heartburn. The second lot of radiotherapy I had gave me odd bout’s of sickness. I found avoiding oily foods helped. Take anti-sickness if you find it but also tell your doctor. They may put you on a stomach settler to help and prevent. My dad also read of a story of someone who had radiotherapy near his head. He had a mouthful of metal filings and radiotherapy heated these up and gave him bad mouth sores! Again talk to your Radiotherapy team if you have the old style metal filings because they may be able to change them for the more modern filings before treatment begins. It could be a case that it doesnt matter, if your radiotherapy sessions are short and few then it may not be a problem. Each radiotherapy program is different. My first lot of radiotherapy was 15 minutes each appointment for 36 sessions as where my second lot of radiotherapy was no more than 3 minutes and I had 12 sessions there.

Same goes, if in chemo or radiotherapy you get an upset stomach, there are pills to help.

Some anti-sickness pills can be steroids or they may provide you with steroids before your chemo infusion. This can cause the usual steroid symptoms. Added weight, restless leg syndrome, a boost in energy for periods of time… usually at inapropriate times like 3am!

Phew… Ok, I think that is everything that I can think of. If I remember anything else then I’ll add it on. You can also check out some of my older posts that I created when going through treatment. Take a look back on those, if they don’t help then feel free to drop me a message! There are loads of different ways cancer can be treated, so please dont be alarmed if I haven’t talked about any experiences you have had or can’t find the information you are looking for. For any other treatments then please take a look here.

A life of crackers and coke

Hair today, gone tomorrow

When in doubt just add hairspray!

When you become a real life zombie

Chemo 21 and counting… 

Chemo: it’s not me, it’s you!

Baby, it’s just never gonna happen

Not cancerous enough

It’s been a week of mixed emotions this week. So I received my phone call from my consultant for the next plan of action and I can’t say I was best pleased with the plan.
And strangely enough I surprise myself by saying this.

So the right lung where the bigger tumor is will be treated with radiotherapy. This will begin this week and I’ll have 12 sessions. 12 sessions seem like a piece of cake after my 36 sessions last year!

And the left lung? Well they’re just going to leave it.

Apparently chemo has worked too well. I’ve been told I shouldn’t have improved so much between the scan after chemo 3 and the scan after chemo 6. They generally don’t see any difference between the 2 scans so to find it’s shrunk again means I don’t fit into the normal cancer category… Again.

So basically the left lung doesn’t show a distinctive enough tumor. Which is great! Hooray! I’ve kinda beat cancer!

But because the left side is so small they can’t really target it with radiotherapy… So now it’s too small.

They’ve decided to just leave it to see what happens.

Hence why my mixed emotions. I’ve been conditioned so much through treatment that treatment is good, treatment is important that it seems impossible for me to see this in a good way.

I feel like they’re leaving me to walk this dangerous tightrope of life and cancer. I mean the growths to the lungs occurred within 3 months then doubled in size within a month. This is a serious cancer they are dealing with. This is my life!

I trust my consultant and the work she’s done for me but I couldn’t help but cry when she told me that she’s not going to treat the left side. And never in a million years did I think I’d be crying over the thought of not having treatment!! Maybe I shouldn’t have bitched so much about chemo! It obviously worked too well!!

Chemo: it’s not me, it’s you!

I’ve had enough. It’s taking its toll. It’s slowly sucking the life of who I am out of me.
Oh how over dramatic you may think but so very true.
Chemo 6/6… The devil. I am finally… Thank fuck… Done with you.

Its been a while since my last post. It’s all starting to take its toll and it’s hard for me to find the energy from within to concentrate on posts. So I’ve finally had my last chemo. It was delayed by a week due to my blood count being too low and dropping. I’ve had that the last few sessions but the bloods always rose when they tested it again. This time the chemo has finally shown its affects. I had a feeling this was going to happen.

After chemo 5 it took me much longer than normal to recover. I suffered quite badly with sickness and picked up a stomach bug (not the pooping kind, 😂 the awful cramps and can’t keep food down kind) from somewhere too. Scared my dad half to death by passing out and just generally felt like death warmed up for longer than necessary.

Chemo 6 has pretty much been the same. With a good 3 hours of last night throwing up 10/11 times hurling nothing but bile and generally wishing it would stop I’ve reached my limit. I mean… Not my limit limit as in treatment… Just my limit with chemo. I fucking hate it. I hate the incapacity I seem to have as a human being. For crying out loud who cries because they put their t-shirt on the wrong way this morning? I am emotionally and physically exhausted.

The one amazing thing I have to be thankful for to is to the nurses up at the Churchill hospital for being so accommodating to me. As chemo was meant to finish by the end of November it meant I had the whole of December free of treatment… Well technically I have a scan on the 28th but I’m not counting that. Being delayed an extra week they pacified me with my request and set me up for the 30th instead of the 1st 😇 it may seem silly to you because I still feel rubbish for the first part of December but these days there’s not a lot to look forward to so let me have my silly moment 😂

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That’s it… I’m DONE!

The happy pessimist

I got some good news for once this week. Chemo is working! My scan from last week has shown an excellent response. The chemo has reduced the size of the tumors and one is barely visible. With this news it will mean that I will continue with the rest of my planned chemotherapy treatments.

I should be happy, right?

And I’m pleased. I am. But I can’t exactly say I’m over the moon, bouncing from room to room, can’t stop smiling happy. And why you ask?

Because this isn’t the end.

Yes, it’s a good result. But how long for?

I told you last time, after the devastating results from my 3 month post treatment scan it’ll shit on any other happy news in the future. And it really has.

I’m pleased. I am. And I’m happy for my family and friends that they’re finally hearing something good… But it is definitely shadowed by the fact that this isn’t it. Even if it clears up after all of the chemotherapy and whatever treatment follows after, it won’t be the end.

It will most likely come back. It might not be straight away. It could be 5 months, a year, 5 years, 10 years or more but it will at some point return.

Until they figure out a way to completely eradicate it from my lymph or blood… Wherever it is travelling from, its not over.

I’m OK with this. I’d rather it wasn’t this way but I’ve accepted my fate in life. I’m still positive about my diagnosis. Don’t misconceive what I am saying. Just because the news before shat on every other bit of goodness now or in the future, I am still positive about my treatment. I feel good in myself and I won’t let that stop me from living how I want to live.

Its just… I don’t know… The big fat elephant in the room that’s staring me in the face is still there. So I’m happy but I feel like I can’t truly be 100% happy because before I know it the rug will be pulled from beneath my feet again and I’ll be back to square one. And it’ll crush me.

But worst of all, it’ll crush the people I love.

I hate that this now makes me look at the other side of life. The more pessimistic side… That’s not me. But I have no choice. I have to be realistic.

So this week I am happy. But probably not as happy as I would have been this time last year had I received good news. Because although I am happy, any big fat sunny happiness I have now gets shadowed by the dark and ugly side of cancer. And forever will be no matter how small it may become in the future years… It’ll always be there in the background waiting to pop back up and ruin everything all over again.

On another note, apparently I have shingles! 🙄 I’m an anomaly again as I don’t have the “normal” symptoms. Just a rash on my back, other than that I feel pretty normal… Considering.

It shouldn’t interfere with my chemo on Friday thank goodness but bloody hell… Can’t catch a break at the minute! 😂

When you become a real life zombie

I think this one will be about how chemo makes me feel. It’s a difficult one to explain but also it might be something that not everyone feels when they have chemo. This is my reaction to the drug. And it’s difficult to explain when the effects have worn off because I try my hardest to remember how it makes me feel but at the time that’s all I feel but when I’m better I forget. Sounds crazy, right! But everything is so easily forgotten when you feel better.

So there is a thing called chemo brain. And I guess that is what I’m suffering with at the end of the day but that’s not really what I thought it would be called. Chemo brain sounds like you’re forgetful or it affects your mental ability… And I guess in a way it does. But my experience is nothing to what I imagined.

So the day of chemo my reactions are all pretty immediate. I generally get a huge dose of antihistamines, which is basically a syringe full of Pirton. This is to help my body cope with the chemo paclitaxel… You know, first time anaphylaxis. This prevents any reactions occurring but it also makes me very very drowsy. So pretty much for the day of chemo I’m in and out of sleep. It’s a great way of killing an 8 hour day but it still drags… And my poor mum still has to suffer through it along with me.

One of the first things to change with chemo is my taste. This doesn’t normally last. Just for 4-5 days. I’m not sure how I can explain it, it’s like I’ve got wax in my mouth or my mouth is all cotton wool like, I can’t taste flavours as well, and things aren’t as appealing. I struggle to eat meat at this point coz the texture of it can be very off putting.

Followed closely from the tastelessness is the nausea. This is probably a big factor to the chemo reactions. As I suffer with nausea this means that my appetite reduces. It’s tough to find what I fancy to eat and I try so hard to eat what’s good for me. I have 4/5 different types of anti-nausea pills which help combat any actual sickness but it makes my mouth even more woolly and changes tastes even more.

Chemo affects you mentally too. I go very spaced out for a few days. I find it better on these days when people don’t talk to me. It sounds so silly but I find it so hard to concentrate on texts and function on what I should be saying. It sounds so crazy, right! It’s like there’s a massive fog over my brain that prevents me from focusing properly on what I should be doing. I zone out easily. I literally become some sort of chemo zombie. I don’t just think it’s in my head though. It weirdly affects my eye sight. Not in an awful way and it only lasts for about 3/4 days after and then I’m fine I just get this ring of haze around my sight and this makes focusing difficult. It’s like my brain just gives up trying to focus on what I should be doing.

I become a ghost to any social media and friends seem to know they won’t get a lot out of me on those days.

It all sounds so awful what I have to deal with when you say it out loud but you just have to deal with it. This is my life. If I want to be better then I have to deal with these after effects.

I have to apologise in advance for this post too. I’m still very foggy headed this morning so this post has taken me longer than usual to write and I’m sorry if it drags off in weird directions or doesn’t make much sense! It’s a real life struggle for me this zombie brain thing but it’s easier to explain when you’re actually mulling yourself through it then if I write it in a few days time when it’s a distant memory.

When in doubt just add hairspray!

I’m trying to keep these posts with a bit of variety coz I don’t want to be that boring cancer story. But really how interesting can you keep this topic?

So I lost all my hair. I told you it was happening but I bet you didn’t think it would all happen in one go. Haha. So I had a really good week where I was busy out visiting friends and this was the week where my head hurt. So by that weekend if I really tried I could have pulled it all out. But I wanted to keep it in for the weekend as I was out with friends and I didn’t wanna look like “that” person. So I just hairsprayed the shit out of it all. I figured if hairspray can normally keep a style in place it can keep my hair from falling out too, right? Haha. Well believe me… There was no disaster! It worked! So by the time bank holiday Monday came round I didn’t think I could push it for any longer. So I went outside and just started pulling… And pulling… And pulling. It didn’t hurt. By this point I think it was just sitting in the hair follicle. By the end of it all it looked liked I’d just brushed a big fluffy dog but unfortunately there was no dog to cuddle at the end of it 😂

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👆🏻Yep, all my own! No dogs involved!

I was OK about it all, I mean it took me a while to get used to looking at myself in the mirror every time I came across one and I have major tan line issues going on but I’m OK with it. This is just another factor of cancer I have to deal with. It just annoys me that I now look like the cancer victim. Before I could hide it pretty well and pretend to be normal but there’s no denying what I’m going through now. I’m still not doing the wig route. I don’t see the point. It’s obvious what they are and they’re never nicely made. And the whole head scarf look is worse! That’s just highlighting the fact of what you’re going through. So I may be a beacon of light with my pastey white head but at least I’m still being me.

I haven’t lost my eyebrows or eyelashes yet. I expect I will and I’m gutted that I probably will. Because that is the epitome of “cancer victim” and you lose all your features so you look sick no matter what… But ah well… As with everything else we’ll cross that bridge when I come to it!

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I may blend into the wall in the background but it’s not that bad 😂

A life of crackers and coke

Well what a week it has been… It seems a bit unreal that everything has happened in the last eight days. It has been one of the longest and saddest weeks of my life.
Exactly eight days ago I felt healthy. I thought I was in recovery, I was slowly getting my life back and adjusting to my new way of life. I was back seeing friends, working a few hours, easing myself back into the working world.

Things couldn’t be further from that now even if I tried. The few hours of work I was doing I’ve had to give up. It’s too risky being around people when I’m having chemotherapy. I’m more susceptible to infections and no offence… But people are the worst when it comes to making sure they don’t miss their appointments “oh, I’m sorry! I was on my deathbed but I just had to come in for my nail appointment” or “I feel absolutely awful but I made it… Please give me a medal and let me infect you with my gammy germs” I joke… But you don’t realise how gross people can be… Until you work with them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job but it’s just way too risky for me. I love it but not at the risk of my health… Even more!

So I had chemotherapy last Wednesday. Yep… Very long and boring day. I’ll be getting 2 types of chemo,  paclitaxel and carboplatin. They’re both chemos I’ve had before. Back in February just after I was first diagnosed they put me on an emergency chemo program to get treatment started. Treatment didn’t go well… My first session I went into an anaphylactic shock. It was awful. Basically my body shut down because of the drugs. It’s pretty common apparently when administering paclitaxel, it’s a 50-50 on if your body will accept the drug or reject it. After a massive dose of adrenaline they counteracted the reaction and I was back to normal. They decided, for that day, not to give me paclitaxel and just gave me carboplatin. The following week I had both again just this time the paclitaxel was administered slowly so my body could adjust to it. Hence why chemo is an all day event.

So Wednesday I was up bright and early to be ready to start treatment at 9am. I’m having chemo every 21 days this time round. At the start of the year it was an emergency program to get things started and chemo was weekly with the drugs being weaker. I was actually one of the lucky few before when chemo actually made me feel better. I would have a couple of days after where I could go out and see people.

I don’t think I’ll be so lucky this time round.

Chemo made me pretty tired afterwards. Even though I slept a majority of the day I was up there for over 8 hours. I can’t keep my attention to anything so reading, watching TV, colouring in books or whatever doesn’t help. All I seem to do is sleep.

The days after made me extremely nauseous. I have anti sickness pills that stop me from actually being sick but the queasiness is always there. When you’re queasy you just don’t want to eat… Which is the worst when you’ve got the biggest battle of your life on your hands ahead. Anything I do manage to eat goes straight through me… Sorry for being so graphic 😂 but this is the reality of it. So with the weekend of feeling grotty, not eating much and not keeping much in its obvious that I’m gonna drop weight.

So this week I’m trying my hardest to eat more meals a day and snack hard. But it’s not easy… My tastes have already changed. Things I liked before I can’t touch. Flavours aren’t the same and it’s difficult to figure out what I actually fancy.

People have been really sweet before and given me advice of diets I should try to help bring my body back into balance which has been incredibly thoughtful and I’ve been so grateful but I kid you not… If anyone suggested things this week I probably would have snapped 🙈 I feel awful for saying that because I know they’re only trying to help but honestly if there was a way, I’m pretty sure I would have tried it. And to be quite frank, I couldn’t give a fuck anymore! I know! I’m sorry!! But for 29 years I have eaten so healthily. Probably better than you! Home grown veg, the right balance of protein, carbs and greens. I’ve been good! And look where it fucking got me! So screw it. I’m eating what I damn well please.

You’re probably thinking I’m sat here eating gateaux and sundaes with ridiculous amounts of saturated fats, refined sugars and numerous E numbers… I wish. Nope, just good old Jacobs crackers and a can of coke. My good old go to buddies that seem to be my safety net foods.

I expect, as I go further into the program it’ll get worse. But let’s look on the positive side for once. That’s one treatment down. Just another 5 to go… 💪🏻👊🏻

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chemo session 1 of 6 ✌🏻

Devastation

​OK… So this will probably be my hardest post to write yet.
Devastation. Such a menial word to some. Great destruction or damage. Severe overwhelming shock or grief.
Yep, that pretty much sums everything up…

So yesterday was results day. As you can already predict it wasn’t great. Yes, my “fluffy”, suspicious area on my lung is cancer. I expected that. It has now doubled in size. Shit, that’s not good. It has now spread to my other lung. Fuck… I didn’t expect that.

They used the word “aggressive”. It’s aggressive. For it to double in size and spread in 4 weeks isn’t great.

Its funny, although it’s now spread to my lungs it’s not lung cancer. Well they don’t call it lung cancer. It’s still classed as vaginal cancer even though the original cancer site is clear of cancer. So really I have vaginal cancer but in my lung. Confused? Yeah… It’s weird.

So what’s the plan? More chemotherapy. I start treatment tomorrow. I know, so quick! Well as it’s pretty aggressive they need to start things quickly.

Its looking like I’ll be having 6 rounds of chemotherapy again spaced 21 days apart. That’ll take me right up to Christmas. As always, they can’t really predict what will happen so my treatment plan may change. I’m waiting on a call from my consultant today as there was a big talk about me last night (I’m a pretty big deal you know 😂)

They’re having a big conference about me with all the gynae oncologists. As it was rare for me to get vaginal cancer to start with, as I was so young, I get the impression they don’t really know what will happen. Yes, they’ve seen the cancer spread to the lung before but it’s been in patients over the age of 60. So previous treatment has deteriorated their health so they haven’t been able to take treatment further. I’m an anomaly.

I still think they will throw everything at me to combat this but they can’t guarantee that it’ll work. They just don’t know. It will get to a point where chemotherapy on the body will become too much. It is a poison at the end of the day.

Operating isn’t an option. It’s to unpredictable and it could cause it to spread more. Radiotherapy isn’t an option. There’s too many spots. So chemotherapy it is. At the moment they’re looking to contain and control the cancer. Then they can see what other options are available.

I will lose my hair again. That’s pretty minor in the grand scheme of things.

I’m still keeping positive though.

Although they tell you all the bad things that will happen, coz they have to, I feel fine! I’ve put weight on. I look good, I exercise, I don’t feel wheezy or breathless. I think that’s why it feels so devastating. If I was in pain or having trouble with everyday tasks then you can get to grips with it.

Its such a punch in the face for me, my family and friends.

Its upsetting everyone all over again.