Chemo: it’s not me, it’s you!

I’ve had enough. It’s taking its toll. It’s slowly sucking the life of who I am out of me.
Oh how over dramatic you may think but so very true.
Chemo 6/6… The devil. I am finally… Thank fuck… Done with you.

Its been a while since my last post. It’s all starting to take its toll and it’s hard for me to find the energy from within to concentrate on posts. So I’ve finally had my last chemo. It was delayed by a week due to my blood count being too low and dropping. I’ve had that the last few sessions but the bloods always rose when they tested it again. This time the chemo has finally shown its affects. I had a feeling this was going to happen.

After chemo 5 it took me much longer than normal to recover. I suffered quite badly with sickness and picked up a stomach bug (not the pooping kind, 😂 the awful cramps and can’t keep food down kind) from somewhere too. Scared my dad half to death by passing out and just generally felt like death warmed up for longer than necessary.

Chemo 6 has pretty much been the same. With a good 3 hours of last night throwing up 10/11 times hurling nothing but bile and generally wishing it would stop I’ve reached my limit. I mean… Not my limit limit as in treatment… Just my limit with chemo. I fucking hate it. I hate the incapacity I seem to have as a human being. For crying out loud who cries because they put their t-shirt on the wrong way this morning? I am emotionally and physically exhausted.

The one amazing thing I have to be thankful for to is to the nurses up at the Churchill hospital for being so accommodating to me. As chemo was meant to finish by the end of November it meant I had the whole of December free of treatment… Well technically I have a scan on the 28th but I’m not counting that. Being delayed an extra week they pacified me with my request and set me up for the 30th instead of the 1st 😇 it may seem silly to you because I still feel rubbish for the first part of December but these days there’s not a lot to look forward to so let me have my silly moment 😂

That’s it… I’m DONE!

4 thoughts on “Chemo: it’s not me, it’s you!

  1. Well done Amanda on the last treatment which must have knocked he stuffing out of you and still making you feel worn out and sick. Hoping you’ll start to feel so much better soon and loads of cuddles with Hugo will help – he will pick up your emotions and help you. Love the photo – you’re looking great – with a cheeky smile! Get well soon so you can feel like partying with those you love. Keep smiling in between the bouts of sickness and focus on it being another step to wellness! Sending you hugs from Milo and new pup Angel too! xx

  2. Amanda, you really do put things into perspective, I have some friends who moan all the time about the most trivial things, makes my blood boil!!!
    You have every right to be f****d off, cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling, but I send my love and thoughts to you!❤️❤️❤️Hope you will start to feel some relief from the awful side effects Sue xxxxx

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